Dear Amy: I used to be in a 13-year marriage that was fairly lonely and with out intimacy, however I crammed these lonely moments with travel and journey. I lastly pulled the plug after over a decade of attempting to repair our damaged relationship.

Enter “New Guy.”

We met final 12 months and hit it off like dynamite. He’s sensible, steady, attentive, and loves me. He was attracted to me as a result of of my free spirit, confidence, drive, and intelligence.

I’m self-employed, financially very steady, and selected my occupation so I might incorporate travel into my life. He is impressed by my travels and needs the identical for himself – however he’s an engineer and will get solely two weeks off yearly.

He proposed marriage and I accepted, however now I’m seeing purple flags.

I’ve some alternatives for enterprise travel that seem “fun” and possibly even “opulent,” however he doesn’t need me doing the “fun” issues if he can’t go along with me. He makes me really feel horrible if I would like to go with out him and takes it personally that he’s “left out.” He has traveled to many fantastic locations for his job, however he sees my travel as if I’m vacationing with out him.

I can’t compromise one thing that’s a lot an element of me and be restricted to solely two weeks yearly in a vogue that matches his schedule.

He has a teen at residence, dad and mom he desires to see who dwell out of state, so it’s already a really dialed-down model of how I dwell.

I don’t need to blow the most effective relationship of my life, however I’ll find yourself very resentful if I’ve to surrender an enormous half of who I’m for another person. I by no means need to try this once more.

How do I navigate this?

– Wanderlusting Woman

Dear Wanderlusting: Years in the past, simply after I acquired (re)married, my new husband advised me that he needed to run for native workplace. This would contain many nights campaigning and attending conferences, leaving me fairly actually holding the bag in our family.

I used to be utterly opposed to his doing this, and advised him so.

It took me a while to understand that this was how the superb man I’d married carried his mild. And so I got here round and embraced his ambition. (He has additionally supported my many experiences being on the highway, typically going to “fun” locations with out him.)

My level is that ideally you enter a second marriage realizing who you might be, and with the dedication to assist and allow each other’s selection to dwell your finest lives, each individually and collectively.

If he can’t be proud of you being on the highway, and you may’t be completely satisfied being at residence with him, then maybe it is best to take marriage off the desk for now and proceed to benefit from the relationship as it’s.

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(You can e-mail Amy Dickinson at askamy@amydickinson.com or ship a letter to Ask Amy, P.O. Box 194, Freeville, NY 13068. You also can observe her on Twitter @askingamy or Facebook.)

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